We met as roommates in a Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, apartment with a revolving door that spun faster than an exit at a shifty telemarketing company and had more drama than any season of The Real World. Two years later, we no longer live together, but have remained close friends and have now joined forces to bring you: Two Black Girls at the Movies.

Ironically, the project started when Siobhan’s laptop caught a virus while trying to watch a bootleg movie online. When she called her service provider (shout outs to Cablevision) to reset her modem, she was informed of a free program which gives customers complimentary weekly tickets to the movies!

The following Tuesday the weekly adventures commenced. And since then, we take the beloved MTA trains to Manhattan to join what sometimes feels like the entire Tri-State Area for a free movie.

Sometimes the movies are good (It's Complicated), sometimes the movies are bad (Dear John), and sometimes the movies are so bad that they are good (drawing a blank here). Often times the best part of our escapades come from the unpredictable antics of our fellow movie-goers, like when the man seated next to us repeatedly cut the cheese or the post-movie powwow in the ladies room when we learned about the homeless couple who smelled so rancid that people walked out of the theatre.

Instead of a thumb ups or thumbs down rating system, we rate movies on how badly you need a cocktail after (and in some cases, before) watching them. Since some of the films being released lately have been so bad, you end up feeling like you’re in dire need of a bar.

No matter what the story, whether on the screen or in the theatre, we give you the smart, sassy, and straight-talking opinions of Two Black Girls at the Movies.

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Losers Was A Loser

By Dana Verde

What can I say about this movie…hmmm?

I guess I would have to start by apologizing to Siobhan for making her sit through it. This week was my turn to choose the film. Having said that, I’ll explain the plot.

The Losers is a tale of double cross and revenge, centered upon the members of an elite U.S. Special Forces unit sent into the Bolivian jungle on a search and destroy mission. The team––Clay, Jensen, Roque, Pooch, and Cougar––find themselves the target of a lethal betrayal instigated from inside by a powerful enemy known only as Max. Presumed dead, the group makes plans to even the score when they're joined by the mysterious Aisha, an operative with her own agenda. Working together, they must remain deep undercover while tracking the heavily-guarded Max, a ruthless man bent on embroiling the world in a new high-tech global war. That is the story line…but…and I mean a very BIG BUT, the film I saw was a bad rendition of an episode of Miami Vice with a little A-Team thrown up in the mix.

To all of you out there I have two questions...

1) Why is it that in these pseudo espionage flicks everyone is highly trained by the military but can’t hit a moving target?

2) How can these same people walk around the streets of major cities with bazookas and a small arsenal of weapons and no one calls the cops?

I’ve had friends visit me from Europe and mistakenly drink a beer in the streets of NYC and cops swarmed on them like they were Osama Bin Laden.
Anyway here are some other issues I had with this film:

The camera angles were unoriginal––note: to all the Hollywood filmmakers out there - shooting your films verite does not make you “PAUL GREENGRASS” (he directed Bourne Supremacy). The editing was oblique. The score was comical. And, the dialogue––OMG––the dialogue...it got to a point where Siobhan turned to me and said, “Dana, is it typical for screenwriters to add the characters name at the end of every sentence when there is a dialog scene with another character?” i.e. “Hi Roque,” "What are you doing Rouqe,” "Don’t say that Roque." Ugh! In real life, when you’re talking with someone, it’s very rare that you say their name throughout the conversation––so another note: to all of you aspiring screenplay writers out there, please refrain from doing this––it’s annoying!

I don't want to block up my chi so I'll try to focus on some positive things about this movie. Actually, two words come to mind... IDRIS ELBA !!!!! He’s on the "he can get it" list and all you women out there know exactly why. He is a very sexy man, but his fine-ness isn't enough to save this movie. His character is as bland as dry toast. I kept hoping he would bust out in his “I’m from Hackney Norf Lundon" accent––you know, add some beans on that toast, but no such luck. He was playing a yankee and looked bored as hell doing it.

I have to take a quick pause before I proceed because my "what I liked" moment is over.

Ok back to how I started off.

The "kick-ass girl" in the film was ZOE SALDANA. "SIGH." On a personal note, I’ve been rooting for her career since she did the film Center Stage and portrayed EVA, the cigarette smoking, foul attitude having, diva ballerina…but as an action hero––NO BUENO ––NO MAS. The guns are bigger than she is - I swear I thought she'd fall over. I have been waiting my whole life for a proper black girl action hero and to my disappointment I have to keep waiting. I'm not going to mention the rest of the cast because it really doesn't matter.
To sum up my viewing experience, I felt like a big fat loser for watching the film and couldn’t wait to get out of the theater. Siobhan can attest to it.

Rating: I say drink until you pass out on this one!
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